What is my legacy?
Sometimes the universe responds with the answer
Hopefully this is a bit of positivity in your inbox during an otherwise difficult week. Sending hugs.
One silver lining about illness is it puts life into perspective, especially the possible end of it.
In the past when I’ve thought about legacy, I’ve thought about being 90, sitting in a rocking chair, reflecting on my many years. Hopefully feeling proud of what I’ve built, who I’ve become, what I offered the world, and surrounded by people whom I love. There have been moments on my journey with my tumor “Ursula” when I’ve wondered how much longer I have—my fears sprouting up in parallel with her tumor growth cycles.
Last year I started working with a coach and one of our first “assignments” was to write my legacy statement: a succinct sentence or two that captures the essence of my life—easy, right? “We can always rewrite it,” she said. But putting it on paper and making it definitive is simultaneously both the most empowering and most frightening thing I could do.
Part 1: “Follow me this way”
I looked no further than my fridge, where a poem my friend Jack Danger wrote for me many years ago gently rests.
This poem has many elements of things I value: love, community, experiences, story, and living life to the fullest. Upon rereading it, it was affirming to see my intentions being reflected back. It was a small note from the universe saying “this way”. The words served as inspiration for the first version of my legacy statement.
People won’t remember me for my list of accomplishments. They will remember me for how I made them feel. They will remember me through the stories we tell together—the ups and downs and the experiences that defined us. That made one moment, one day, one month, one year, one lifetime, one planet a little brighter.
Yet a month later, I was craving something crisper. Something that could incite action. So I started writing my obituary, specifically one where I stay on my current path, and one where I lead a different path. My coach and I dissected the words, phrases, feelings from these. She asked me to find an image that represents my legacy, and this photo framed in the living room immediately came to mind.
It was 2013 and I had just finished the Wildflower Triathlon, something I’d trained many months for. To celebrate, two friends and I headed down the coast to Sayulita, Mexico. In this moment, I was dancing to Lana Del Rey’s Young & Beautiful, which was my spiritual dance jam for a few years (miraculously transforming me into a professional ballerina complete with 3:56 minutes of twirls and leaps). I felt open, powerful, and free. I was living fully and completely from my heart.
Gathering the poem, my rambling notes, and the image, it came to me one morning over coffee in about 10 minutes. After swapping a word here or there (every word matters!), it was complete.
Vanessa inspired millions of people to live from their spiritual heart, nurturing joy, purpose, agency, & healing. The things she created were timeless treasures, including the third place, where the community continues to gather.
Elements that delight me about this statement include:
Joy. After reading The Book of Joy, I came to understand that happiness is a feeling, just like sadness, anger, and jealousy. They come and go but joy can be eternal. It is a state of being and one of my favorite words!
Agency. From research we’ve done with Celo and reading The Body Keeps the Score, I’ve learned that agency is a key component to healing and joy. Choice and the ability to affect the outcomes in our lives is an essential aspect of being human.
Healing. For the last 5 years, I’ve spent a lot of time healing. I’ve discovered helping others heal also helps me heal.
Timeless Treasures. I get so much joy from making and sharing thoughtful gifts for people I care about. I also enjoy collecting tiny things that make me smile (like the mini handmade serving plates I recently picked up).
Third Place. Your first place is your home, your second is work (which right now, is also home 🤣), and your third is your place of community. It’s a place where you belong. Where you can just “pop in” and stay for as long as you wish.
Part 2: The Proof
As Steve Jobs said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.” So many moments rush up when looking back.
Freshman year of college, I worked at the front desk of the dorms. For Valentine’s Day, I baked homemade cookies and snuck them into each person’s mailbox so no one would feel lonely on the holiday. The job at the front desk was also amazing because I got to know everyone in the tower.
Anyone who knows me knows I loveeee my birthdays. Not because it’s about me but because it gives me an excuse to bring people I love together and have new experiences. One of my favorite birthdays is one I planned like a retreat. Everyone who attended was asked to contribute something of their choosing. We had french pickup lines and wine tasting, the history of the Bible in 20 minutes, yoga + meditation, and an adventure race, to name a few. The concept became a model for the first international company retreat for Celo.
While at Square, Rachel Constable and I launched Code Camp, a program dedicated to help women feel that they belonged in tech. This moment brought together our current Code Campers, women engineers at Square, and the high school students in Girls Who Code...three generations of awesomeness. Before my first Ironman, Code Campers made an inspirational video that brought me to tears.
More recently, in my current role working on Celo, I helped organize the Prosper Retreat, an immersive experience focused on: taking care of yourself, finding your unique purpose, and building connections at the intersection of entrepreneurship and social good. Many of the people and projects around the Celo community started getting involved at this retreat. I’m excited to bring this back as soon as Covid allows!
And lately, while on leave, I started making poetry gifts for people. I love telling stories through words, sharing hope and healing.
I could go on but I think you get the picture. The evidence was all around me.
Part 3: “Yes, you’re on the right path”
Days after (privately) finalizing my statement, I received a note from a friend.
It was as if he read my legacy statement and wrote that in response...joy, healing, some sort of space. I was speechless.
To me, it was clearly a sign from the universe telling me, “You’re on the right path. Keep walking.”
Part 4: Let’s go wander
Maybe I’m looking for it or piecing together a story that fits. Even if so, my clarity of focus is aligning energy around me in a direction that I’m excited about. And that is enough.
For now I am holding my legacy, a loose collection of feelings and intentions. How it manifests is the joy of discovery for my remaining time on this Earth. Today it means: making poetry gifts for friends*, making art that soothes the soul, wandering the mountain, doing yoga, and writing.
OH, and releasing my legacy out into the world. Ta Da! Here ya go WORLD! Let’s go explore the unknown.
*If you want a poetry gift, send me a note. I’m slowly working through my list :)
You did inspire people, Vanessa. Your thoughtfulness brought out thoughtfulness in others. Thank you for the example you set and may you rest in peace. 💞